The Moment I Said it [PREVIEW]

ACOS fanarts

I realized I haven't posted them here yet~ ^^

(This one was used as the header for the previous layout)

[One shot] - Birthday wish _ Happy birthday Iva!

BIRTHDAY WISH

happy birthday Iva

*****

JaeJoong stood still like a status in front of the man he loved – as if every fiber of his being, every fiber that had always been devoted to love this particular man wholeheartedly passionately now froze. He could not breathe, he could not move, he could not scream his heart out of frustration and anger. Suffocation! As if he was drowning into the deep dark ocean in his lover’s eyes. Hot lonely tear rolled down quietly.

He tasted salty.

He tasted unbearable pain.

Dash… Out of the door he sprinted leaving his lover dumbfound witht eh he question mark on the forehead. JaeJoong had given up all: love, dignity, heart-mind-and-soul and whatever else a person could possibly devote to him. He felt like running away. He wanted to run away. And the moment this particular thought hit him hard like a punch under the belt, JaeJoong had already found himself in a strange taxi, heading to the airport.

“Forget him

Forget about it

Forget it all

Forget him, the way he smiles and the way he make me smile

Forget the way he slept with his mouth open…

how many times have I stolen a kiss from his beautiful lips?”

He trailed back the past, like the little salmon stubbornly swam against the flow of the fall. His heart shattered a tiny bit, a tiny bit too much, unable to erase the memory of their first kiss. On a plane, at night, JaeJoong tip-toed to cover his sleeping lover’s gorgeous lips, parting wide open like the deadly sinful temptation JaeJoong could not resist. He planted a kiss, gently enough hoping not to wake the other man up – yet unfortunately, beautiful almond eyes opened unexpectedly gazing deep into his. “I am sorry…” was all JaeJoong could say before running away. However, his wrist was held back, soft yet forceful, his lips locked in the close embrace of the man he had always loved.

It was the same plane… same darkness… same desire…

However Jaejoong knew, Yunnie was not here with him, not here now, and not here forever.

*****

5 something and she had already arrived in Prague. Prague she loved. Prague she adored. Prague she dreamed for a particular encounter of fate. Strolling down the cobblestone streets of the ancient town, she smiled, a sweet one, a hopeful one, a dream-ish one in the middle of Old Town Square. Winter breeze playfully messed her hair, sending shiver across her spine. She pulled her red turtle neck a bit higher to cover her nose before taking out her crimson scarf. It had been a cold winter, hadn’t it?

Almost six, she stood: eyes shut, hand tight, fingers across fingers.

Fourteen going on exactly fifteen in a few seconds on the 23rd of February, Ivana Antosova awaited a miracle in the middle of Charles Bridge. For the moment bell of Astronomical Clock stroke the magical number 6, she would say a prayer... a little prayer not for herself…

It had been Ivana’s tradition, to spend a day in Prague all by herself on her birthday. Of course, her parents did not wholeheartedly approve of their little princess’s wish, but what to do with that wonderful child? She never asked for fancy clothes, new music player – what so ever. She obtained perfect grades at school, never got herself into trouble and only sang strange language songs out of ecstasy once in a while. If people fell in love with one another on the first sight, Ivana fell for the capital of Czech almost just the same. It all happened when Ivana was eleven. She was memorized by Prague’s beauty, and got lost for a good half day. For some strange reasons, Ivana, at the age of eleven did not cry or was traumatized like most children would. She was too busy observing countless of ancient clocks along the street, countless of beautiful buildings: the Tyn Church, the Municipal House… countless of beautiful people hands in hands… Countless… but outstandingly only one – now even when she closed her eyes, she could see again his brown hair… big brown eyes, and shy smiles, always covered behind his slender fingers…

In 2006, by the game of fate, Ivana Antosova of eleven years old accidently laid her eyes on Kim JaeJoong – ever since, it seemed that she had never ever been able to get her eyes off him – or ever had the slightest intention to do so.

She was told the particular “trick” to obtain her dream wishes by the elderly of Prague she met along the historic houses façade when she lost sight of him. “You should not be greedy. You should not be selfish. Within the six tolls of the ancient clock, you must spell out your heart desire and the god of the river will grand you your truest wish” So here she stood, again and again 4 years in a row, asking for the same miracle – to meet him once again. But this year… she wondered if such encounter was truly what she wanted.

*****

She opened her eyes the moment the last cry of the bell ended. Mystic Old Charles kept his charm. Fate had her game and man, She played it well. While Iva was still busy clearing her blurry vision, the shocking orange head caught her attention almost immediately. Struck with amazement and the surrealism of her situation, Iva stood dumbfound. She cleaned her glasses one more time. That particular frame, that particular body structure, that particular pale-perfect skin… that particular eyes… could it be that she was dreaming? Could it be that her desperate desire performed this whole illusion to play with her pitiful emotion? Could the impossible turn reality just for today?

*****

He was cold. “Cold” cannot dignify the fact that his whole body was trembling, his nose was running and his teeth were “clapping” in joy. He must have lost his mind to ignore the 11 degree difference between 12degre Seoul and 1 degree Prague. He must also have lost his mind to dash out of the door without bags, warm clothes, even tooth brushes or perfume, took the first flight to out of Korean. Out of all places, Prague, the place where he first confessed his love to his Yunnie…

If he could still call out his lover’s name with same adoration, or perhaps, he should go back to spelling out Jung Yunho or U-know Yunho of TVXQ, he did not know.

He was walking across Charles Bridge, with a weak smile. Somewhat he missed Changmin’s frantic scream and Yoochun’s emotional gaze more than the warm embrace of a particular someone – whose name brought him a headache at the moment – he would not hurt his brain just yet to figure it out.

And he saw her: red top, crimson scarf and gloves, on the bridge. She looked like a spark of warm fire in the middle of winter, like a beautiful rose against white snow… He would not notice her if she was not staring at him intensely. Now what? He asked. She could not possibly be another Cassie. No one knew he was here to stalk him. Even their manager had no idea where on earth he was. Even his soul mate was still frantically sending countless messages to his international roaming cell phone. There could be no possibility that any Cassie would intrude his private moment – he prayed. He really need this time ALONE.

JaeJoong turned his phone off.

He decided to talk pass the strange little girl with natural golden hair and beautiful eyes reflecting the color of clear autumn lake. Yet when he almost walked away, she suddenly rached out her hands and capture his wrist. He heard a familiar hum…

“Alone in the end of time, my heart

Don’t be afraid because you were left alone”

“Love in the ice”, just the melody of this particular song sent shiver across his spine. It all came back to him now, the dead cold stare, the warm embraces, the stolen kisses between the break, the light squeeze underneath the tables… he broke down with his knees hit the hard indifferent reality. He cried a river, an ocean… for almost eternity. She was still standing there, her back against his, letting him be, letting him cry as much as he wanted. Not once did she turn back to get a glimpse of his pathetic look. Her tiny hands still enveloped his, sending little bit of warmth over the freezing man. When he finally got hold of his emotion and turned back, he met her beautiful sunshine smile, the sincere one, the concerned one, the wonderful one.

And just like that, 11 years apart, a young man and a-not-too-little girl’s paths met. She did not speak Korean and Japanese, neither did he master the art of Czech language– her mother tongue. With his broken English or shattered English, he found a companion. They did not talk much, but talking was not what he wanted right now. When words failed, when the world around him seemed to collapse upon his shoulders, she – the little Miss Sunshine was there for him like the forgotten gift that gods promised him. A companion, someone who would be there when he needs that person the most, someone who would not deny or suppress the love they share...

So with his last penny, Iva and Jae went shopping in a flee market. In such a rush, JaeJoong was not in the right mind to stuff in sufficient cash for a luxurious encounter. Somehow little Miss Sunshine was not at all upset about it. They got him the cheapest jacket he had ever won since the debut day which still ate too much into the budget of a pair of gloves – which he certainly need. She jumped for Joy at the ridiculous victorious bargain. She wholeheartedly explained to him the stories of her Prague – three quarter of which he could not figure out. He was amazed of such enthusiasm, such zest, such love.

… for a moment… a very long moment… he forgot his heart ache

Because she was there, and they were eating some funny food he could not pronounce the name.

Because she was there, and they were competing in a ridiculous shameless race across to cobblestone streets just to win the last lick of a shared ice-cream.

Because she was there… and that was all what mattered the most, that he was not alone and he was laughing like an idiot …  again

*****

The sun started his first yawn, signaling it was indeed time for rest. She was holding his messed up bag and played with his phone when he left for a toilet break. Accidentally, she flipped open a purple phone… one of the four different means of communication remained in his bag. Countless of message flooded in like water fall plunging down from invisible height. She could not read Korean, but that many years being a Cassie. There was one thing she was sure, one thing she knew…

That 232 messages came from the same owner… and that owner is Yunho

And that even though her heart felt heavy, scattered pieces of the pictures – JaeJoong crying his heart out in the middle of the old Charles, JaeJoong messed up look, sickly thin clothes, wandering eyes, spacing out here and there in those corners of the streets they once took Princes of Prague – formed the final story. Jae ran away.

When he came back, she was standing with the last smile remaining on her lips. Cheerfully and eagerly to see him for the last time. She reached out for his hands and put her tiny red gloves on. She took out his purple phone and dialed his emergency number – to whom he knew better than she did, and put the phone next to his ears – all in perfect silence.

The moment the cold touch embraced his pale skin, he jumped away frightfully and shut the phone closed and screamed in Korean

-          “NO, NO, I can’t be like this forever, I cannot. There won’t be a future for us. I love him but but…”

She sealed his broken monologue with light touches, opening his jacket and several buttons before her no-longer-warm small fingers touched his skin. She traced his tattoo slowly and gently like feather touch… “Always keep the faith”

-        "  There will be a tomorrow, for JaeJoong and Yunho, Jae. Keep the faith, always."

His phone rang again, a call back… from whom she knew better than he did. Without taking her eyes off him, she gave him the phone… He took it, in tears and mumbled "Yes, Yunnie, it's me"

       *****

She did not know how long they talked. All that she cared was the fact he smiled again, here and there, he blushed again, here and there. All that she cared was that she could not be too selfish to keep him for herself… though it hurt a tiny bit too much… Maybe the God of Old Charles knew her heart, her wishes for her 15^th birthday

All she ever wanted was for him to be happy

*****

She saw him off to the airport before jumping on the last bus home. He held her close to his heart, not truly wanting to let go. He whispered gently into her ears before the last call the next flight back home

-         " I would love to fall in love. If I could fall for a girl, I hope she would have even just half of the sunshine spark in your eyes… I would love to be in love with you"

Of course, she could not understand Korean, and of course she could not guess what he was trying to tell her. But of course, it did not really matter, because she believed she got what she wanted. What she wanted all way long. On the plane, JaeJoong held his phone tight, close to his heart, with his hand still enveloped by her tiny crimson gloves. He decided to change the wallpaper, the picture of a fifteen year old girl, with her eternally beautiful smile and sparkling eyes, waving her last goodbye to the man she loved... He saw her grin, but his heart knew at the corner of that autumn lake eyes... there was a quiet spark of tears

tears of joy or sadness - only she knew.

 ******

Without them knowing, ice had started to melt into water, buds had started to break out of their harden shell… awaiting the coming of spring… not too far away... not too far away

[One shot] Wrong Number - HAPPY BIRTHDAY YUNHO

Wrong Number

“You’ve got the wrong number” – that was Yunho’s first lesson at SM. It was applied to all – all means all age groups: young or old, not too young and not too old; all genders: male or female, even anything in between; all including even his parents – during busy days, his best non-member friends – during concerts. “You make contact with necessary people, at necessary time” – like a broken tape, this warning had been repeated again and again ever since the first moment he signed the contract, sealed his fate. . . For a particularly obvious reason, it became his allergy. Yunho could feel his stomach well up, churning acid fluid all the way from his tummy through his throat. Sometime he could hold the urge to vomit, spit it out this whole hypocrite craps about stardom – that “sometime” only made sense when there was JaeJoong and his understanding eyes, Changmin and his light rebellious smirk, Junsu and his innocent face, Yuchun and his dry laugh somewhere behind his back. However it was not now because all of them weren’t here. Yunho threw up pure acid, on the grand party of his birthday, in SM.

“You’ve got the wrong number” – that was what Yunho was taught/ trained/ made/ forced to say. Maybe after 6 years of knowing too well what SM could do to harm people he loved, Yunho formed a bad/ basic/ immediate reaction whenever his phone received a “wrong” number. Wrong in the eyes of WHAT? WHO? And WHY?  - he no longer cared. End of the day, as long as Junsu could reach out for his dream and performed the musical without any restriction, Changmin could give his all in the next coming drama – without being sued, JaeJoong could have sometime to break away, soul searching for inspiration without the chain around his neck, Yuchun could spend more time with his dogs and family without constant nags … He was very very willing to reject a call from 3 numbers he memorized by heart. “Who’s that, Yunho?” His manger would ask with scrutinizing eyes and he would shrug his shoulders – like an actor, and shake his head – like a pro saying politely, short and sweet: “Wrong numbers, huyng”. Wrong numbers? Wrong his ass! Each of these numbers that connected together to create the three combination of link between his and the other partners’ line was music to his ears. Since he could not dial – he could not prank call, just to hear their voice – he could not do anything with them without harming the owners, he whispered them like his own melody. His secret code, his assurance, his tiny bit of faith left hanging; that as long as the other end of the line would catch his S.O.S connection any time any day when all these craps are over… He would be very very willing to suffer, in silence.

9 p.m. and the bloody SM party for the ASIAN best boy band’s leader was not over yet. There were, of course flowers, cakes and beauty – guys and girls, talents from every field of the entertainment industry. He simply felt those happy birthday songs – though sung by professional singers, those greetings – from sunbae and dongseng were pure cacophony. They held no weight because they did not come from the heart. His mind trailed back to the depressing days – now he would call them the golden days of his youth: somewhere in the past, somewhere in an unknown apartment in Japan, in a cheap corner near dance studio, he was celebrating his birthday with Junsu and JaeJoong, then came Changmin and Yuchun. They did not have shit, not three level birthday cake – since when SM cared? – not even enough food for dinner – JaeJoong’s signature ramen defined delicious. He would trade all these craps – even that something expensive from that tiny little box branded Lee Soo Man’s special attention. For. Just. The. Presence. Of. His. Members.

That’s all.

At 11.30 when all hope almost shattered. He came back to the dorm in perfect loneliness. Changmin and his silence protect and the fact that he was losing weight as fast as Yuchun losing hairs on his forehead were depressing him to the core.

-                   - Yunho, happy birthday. – that was the very first time Changmin opened his mouth since the past… months out of his will.

They stood together in almost pitch dark, eyes on eyes, and Yunho suddenly found the strength to walk over and give Changmin a bear hug.

--                       - Thanks, bro. Are you sure you are doing fine?

-              - Not really, but I am sending a clear message to them-whom-I-would-not-bother-to-name. – Changmin smiled weakly – Huyng, you keep flipping your phone, checking it every moment today. What’s up?

-                          -  … nothing much – Yunho smiled back – I was just waiting for a miracle.

-                           -  I believe it will come, Yunnie. You deserve every bit of it.

And just like that, the 1.86m tall – going 1.90 something model’s eyes sparked like the shining Cassiopeia, before he retreated to his own room. Between the five of them and especially Changmina and Yunho, there were always gaps between words… silence understanding… non written principles of undeniable love. Just with that tiny spark in his brother’s eyes, Yunho knew one thing for sure, Changmin knew exactly what Yunho was. for.

That’s just enough.

11.59.40 pm, his phone rang its heart out a familiar tune… “Wasurenaide” And Yunho – from the bathroom, with lighting speed sprint out to the living room, naked to catch the birthday message from the very very, yes, very very very “wrong number”

“.:*Happy birthday, my lovely Yunnie ^^*:.! May happiness J, love <3 and success*** find you – wherever SM is hiding you from us. May this horrendous period of separation not break us apart but reminds us how precious our togetherness is. May all bashes and despicable lies not creep their filthy hands into our hearts but strengthen us and our trust in one another. May all those take-away food make you treasure my beautiful signature taste – cheapskate ramen ^o^ - don’t you dare skip meals, ok? With all my love <3 and theirs :x ”

Without looking at the number, simple counting those idiotic/ absurdly cute emocon, Yunho mouthed the name of the sender with all tenderness and longing. This number was not registered in his contact list – so indeed it was clearly a very very wrong number.  However as Yunho stood naked in the living room smiling like an idiot, while Changmin stared blankly at you-know-what before screaming his unique “mirotic” scream, Yunho and of course Changmin knew one thing for sure…

It wasn’t a wrong number. It was, indeed, a very very right combination of 9 characters. And to hell with all SM’s craps, Yunho finally smiled wholeheartedly on his very very 25^th birthday.

Hope till the end.

A chance of sunshine_Chap4

The future is confusing

But I won't lose to its brilliance, I want to have courage

***

- “ Get a grip of yourself, Yunho…. SAY SOMETHING!!!”

- “ Like WHAT?”

- “ LIKE THE BLOODY SCRIPT”

- “ Ohhhh…. Yeah… the script”

- “ That’s my boy! OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND SAY IT”

- “ Yeah, easier said than done… OK I will start ….sloooowwww”

He swore he could hear this conversation in his brain, as if his restless mind had come to a loss in the battle of control. It seemed to Yunho: every fiber of his being did not feel the need to comprehend this simple message sent from their master, the mind. They were enjoying this – this i.e. the tranquility moment of love? Or simply just the depth of her big brown eyes? He tried again to open his mouth and said the simple words which engraved in his brain for the past six years odds yet in vain, no sound was uttered from his perfect lips. The simple greeting: “Good morning, I am DBSK’s U-Know Yunho. Will you please be my girlfriend for a week?” stuck in the middle of his throat. How come? Maybe because it was his first time confessing so boldly and unstylish-ly to a person of the opposite sex. Or maybe this is not what he wanted to give her as the first impression. “What’s wrong with that insa?” Was it the “girlfriend” issue or actually the “a week” crap that offended him tremendously?

- Hi Yunho, should I assume this is for me?

Hell, heaven emerged and star cascaded down from the universe to join her sparkling eyes and relieved his decaying cells. Too difficult to breath, Yunho nodded his head – like an idiot, he was very sure how idiotic and un-UKnow he must have looked.

- Well thank you then. The flower boutique is wonderfully gorgeous.

Those had been the most beautiful queens of flowers he had seen for such a long time – but he changed his mind now that they were in her embrace. Roses in winter were rare, but such grace and beauty exuded from a “commoner” defined the ridiculous movie title “Girl over flower”. Her cheek turned into a sweet shade of pink. As the emptiness in his hands struck him with cold winter shiver, he returned with lightning speed from lala land

- Welcome to Korea, I am DBSK’s U-Know Yunho. Will you be my …

- This, I can’t take. - She handed over the only, truly blood red rose in the boutique to him with such sureness he had never seen. Certainly, it shocked him to the core.

- Why? Are you allergic to red rose? – He asked with pure innocence. In the most wicked way somewhere in the invisible surrounding, he could hear the mocking signature laugh of Changmin. However apart from this seemingly “ridiculous” explanation he could not come up with any sound reason why a girl would return a blood red rose from the mighty leader of the “gods rising from the east”

- No, of course not – Her audible laughter was truly addictive – Look! I am not playing hard to get. I love it but I can’t take it no matter how greedy I am. Save it for the girl you love… whom for sure, is not me…yet.– She smiled at him, an almost bitter-as-the-matter-of-fact one, hugging the valley of pure white till baby pink ones closer to herself - but the rest I will treasure till eternity. – She gazed upon his eyes - You were saying?

- Oh… Will you be my girlfriend for a week? – His face flushed crimson red, even redder than the absolutely awkward rose in his hand.

- Let me guess, this is Mnet scandal. I would be very offended by this statement. I don’t play with my emotion or yours or anyone else’s. – She gave a pretentious frown which immediately crushed his heart and her long pause made him nervous like a rookie first time preparing to go on stage –Since the show must go on – She leaned a bit closer and whisper to his ears – How about a companion instead? With one condition you must abide.

- What condition? – He raised his eye brown, in confusion and disbelief.

- I don’t want to date DBSK’s U-Know… But Jung Yunho, I would love to spend every second with him, a week is truly generous, if it is ok with you?

Thanks to the artificial “cut” in the whole process of editing, on television, Cassies would never get a chance to see how DBSK’s leader U-Know Yunho was outright rejected. They would never ever seen how the mighty “god” stood dumbfound gazing at a girl in green dress turning away from him and how his face brightened up when she turned back to with a smile – a sign asking him to follow her. They would never, of course comprehend and sympathy with Yunho’s confusion – or heard his heartbeats… Yes, beat it does, faster , more restlessly and eagerly than ever before…

as if pit dark suffering winter night was given a chance of sunshine.

***

Seoul – late at night

When Yunho came back to the DBSK’s home, four pairs of curious eyes were waiting for him in the living room. Predator to prey, he swore he felt walking into the audition room all over again. JaeJoong immediately approached Yunho with utter care and concern. His soft hands touched Yunho’s perfect jaw lightly, moving it a little bit up and side way while his eyes carefully examine the exposed brown skin which was turning crimson red every passing second. As if it was not shocking enough, with swift movement, he took off his Cassies’ fantasized husband’s scarf to have a close-up at Yunho’s bare skin. Shocked and dazed at JaeJoong’s inexplicable action, Yunho – once again stood dumbfound while JaeJoong turned his back around and gave the rest of the members a thumb up:

- No injury, brothers as far as I am concern. No scratch, no dug finger nails’ mark anywhere visible. And no cheap lipstick mark on his white scarf – so the laundry cost this month is saved. Oh,- JaeJoong lightly brushed his finger across Yunho’s lips - no teeth mark or weird bruise on his lips also. So did she just faint like that at your presence?

- Huyng, did she grope you? Butt wise? – Junsu nervously his point, dearest pitiful Junsu, whose butt was the perfect sitting duck for every fan girls’ fantasy.

- Speaking out of the expert mouth, Junsu has his point, huyng. Were you violated? – Yuchun spoke up casually.

- Or did she simply have some dignity and manner? – Changmin asked blatantly.

Yunho was speechless. They must have spent the whole freaking night discussing this, in details. He felt as if he was stripped naked in front of them. Literally or figuratively this was not the first time, yet still, he could feel his ears on fire. “Should I tell them the truth?” he wondered “The fact that she did not once reach out for his hands, that she did not once make a move onto him or even showed any interest in skin ship with him. Would that be embarrassing?”

- And what with the rose, huyng? Was she on her knees giving it to you? – Junsu lifted the rose out of Yunho’s hand.

Almost immediately, Yunho snatched the rose back as if it was his utmost precious treasure. He fumbled to take off his jacket – lips sealed. “ok, not wise, telling them I was rejected three times in a row, stood dumbfound and lost at words would be a disaster to my reputation”

- Yunho, are you OK?

When Yunho finally came back to sense, JaeJoong’s face was less than an inch apart from his – which sent shiver across his spine.

- Jae, WHAT THE HELL? – Yunho snapped and backed off.

- Wow huyng, you still remember how to speak – Changmin, with pure sarcasm. He then turned and smiled sweetly at JaeJoong – Huyngnim, shall we celebrate? I smell food from your kitchen

JaeJoong rolled his eyes. Once every day, Changmin would honor Jae with the title “huyngnim”. That would certainly be before dinner, or when he was hungry at midnight or some rare occasion in front of the camera – but it was getting rare, since he worshipped Xiah-ism, whatever that craps was. Yet still, he fell for that, perfectly, every time Changmin’s handsome face smiled sweetly. Jaejoong distanced himself away from Yunho and walked toward the kitchen.

- No, I am fine. Fine, fine as in, nothing happened. She did not hit on me, aggressively or…

- So she fainted? Gee, that would be troublesome! – Yunchun showed his earnest concern.

- No no, she was fine, I am fine…We had a… - There Yunho was stuck, which word would be most apt to describe his first “date” with her? It was not even a date. It was nothing romantic, or well-prepared. It was simply him and her dragging her luggage to the taxi, to the 5^th floor of her dorm – without lift, talking casually and whole heartedly about travelling, Italy and Korea… It was certainly nothing romantic, but indeed… it was real. Too real to be true. She made him “camera unconscious”, de-conditioned his very first lesson he was taught at SM.

- A… what, huyng? – Junsu’s innocent gaze never failed to amaze Yunho of his purity.

- A very ordinary encounter. Very real.

The apartment froze. “An ordinary date” was too much they had never dared asked for – being who they were. Perfect silence enveloped the room, then gently and quietly they gathered together. As the night fell upon Seoul night, as the well-cooked spicy JaeJoong’s signature taste ramen filled the air with its wonderful scent, five young guys sat around the table, curious and almost solemn discussing their brother’s situation. This kind of late night talk, this kind of brotherhood, this kind of tiny gossip and light humor were what made them family. Yunho felt his heart warmed with JaeJoong tight grips on his hands, with Junsu’s Eu Kang Kang laughter at his own silliness, with Yunchun’s sensitive analysis to the situation, and with Changmin’s serious comment. They broke off the conversation at almost 2a.m., worrying the makeup unnie would scold Yunho tomorrow for his black eye bags.

Lying on his back, Yunho gazed at the ceiling, counting JaeJoong’s rhythmic breath – being around her was almost like this, like being in his room, counting JaeJoong’s breath or listening to Junsu and Changmin sleep-ish senseless conversation – when, of course Changmin was perfectly unconscious… It was peaceful and real, as if he was not just himself and she was just herself, as if there had not been a single camera spying around them at all. He thought of her smile, never matched too well with her eyes, which were clouded by some invisible hurt, and her words, which were still a myth for him to figure out. But before he could find the key to all that she said, all that she smiled, he had already felt a sleep, a deep one, dreamless one, a truly tranquil one.

The red rose was placed carefully on Yunho's table. Red like blood, red like his flushed cheek, red like the bleeding heart oozing out pain of unrequited love... Its fragrance lingered in the room, it shade haunted Yunho's mind, maybe for today, maybe for eternity.

***

While somewhere on the other side of Seoul, May was unpacking her luggage. Today…wasn’t it too surreal? She did not know where she found all that strength to talk so casually in front of him. She beamed at her silliness. She swore her knees felt too weak just gazing into his almond shape eyes. “Did he get what I mean?” She wondered “Positively… No. I should not ask for too much, shouldn’t I? He cannot be Yuchun’s sensitive, with JaeJoong’s emotional and still be himself.” She did now have that much time and she knew it. Yet still… she was begging life for a miracle. Not for her, but for someone she loved dearly…

May then hesitated to open the last box. Happiness and pain, all four years of metamorphosis was buried inside this square-ish box. A picture frame slide off and hit the bare ground with a bang, immediately pulled the heartstrings of the young girl. A handsome youthful smile looked back at her with all tenderness and love. She quickly picked it up and held it close to her heart, rocking back and forth, chanting in disrupted uncontrollable sob “I am sorry… I am sorry I was not there. I am sorry I was not there for you… Forgive me”

I can't say "goodbye" to yesterday yet

This smoldering moment is just lifeless...