[One shot] - Birthday wish _ Happy birthday Iva!

BIRTHDAY WISH

happy birthday Iva

*****

JaeJoong stood still like a status in front of the man he loved – as if every fiber of his being, every fiber that had always been devoted to love this particular man wholeheartedly passionately now froze. He could not breathe, he could not move, he could not scream his heart out of frustration and anger. Suffocation! As if he was drowning into the deep dark ocean in his lover’s eyes. Hot lonely tear rolled down quietly.

He tasted salty.

He tasted unbearable pain.

Dash… Out of the door he sprinted leaving his lover dumbfound witht eh he question mark on the forehead. JaeJoong had given up all: love, dignity, heart-mind-and-soul and whatever else a person could possibly devote to him. He felt like running away. He wanted to run away. And the moment this particular thought hit him hard like a punch under the belt, JaeJoong had already found himself in a strange taxi, heading to the airport.

“Forget him

Forget about it

Forget it all

Forget him, the way he smiles and the way he make me smile

Forget the way he slept with his mouth open…

how many times have I stolen a kiss from his beautiful lips?”

He trailed back the past, like the little salmon stubbornly swam against the flow of the fall. His heart shattered a tiny bit, a tiny bit too much, unable to erase the memory of their first kiss. On a plane, at night, JaeJoong tip-toed to cover his sleeping lover’s gorgeous lips, parting wide open like the deadly sinful temptation JaeJoong could not resist. He planted a kiss, gently enough hoping not to wake the other man up – yet unfortunately, beautiful almond eyes opened unexpectedly gazing deep into his. “I am sorry…” was all JaeJoong could say before running away. However, his wrist was held back, soft yet forceful, his lips locked in the close embrace of the man he had always loved.

It was the same plane… same darkness… same desire…

However Jaejoong knew, Yunnie was not here with him, not here now, and not here forever.

*****

5 something and she had already arrived in Prague. Prague she loved. Prague she adored. Prague she dreamed for a particular encounter of fate. Strolling down the cobblestone streets of the ancient town, she smiled, a sweet one, a hopeful one, a dream-ish one in the middle of Old Town Square. Winter breeze playfully messed her hair, sending shiver across her spine. She pulled her red turtle neck a bit higher to cover her nose before taking out her crimson scarf. It had been a cold winter, hadn’t it?

Almost six, she stood: eyes shut, hand tight, fingers across fingers.

Fourteen going on exactly fifteen in a few seconds on the 23rd of February, Ivana Antosova awaited a miracle in the middle of Charles Bridge. For the moment bell of Astronomical Clock stroke the magical number 6, she would say a prayer... a little prayer not for herself…

It had been Ivana’s tradition, to spend a day in Prague all by herself on her birthday. Of course, her parents did not wholeheartedly approve of their little princess’s wish, but what to do with that wonderful child? She never asked for fancy clothes, new music player – what so ever. She obtained perfect grades at school, never got herself into trouble and only sang strange language songs out of ecstasy once in a while. If people fell in love with one another on the first sight, Ivana fell for the capital of Czech almost just the same. It all happened when Ivana was eleven. She was memorized by Prague’s beauty, and got lost for a good half day. For some strange reasons, Ivana, at the age of eleven did not cry or was traumatized like most children would. She was too busy observing countless of ancient clocks along the street, countless of beautiful buildings: the Tyn Church, the Municipal House… countless of beautiful people hands in hands… Countless… but outstandingly only one – now even when she closed her eyes, she could see again his brown hair… big brown eyes, and shy smiles, always covered behind his slender fingers…

In 2006, by the game of fate, Ivana Antosova of eleven years old accidently laid her eyes on Kim JaeJoong – ever since, it seemed that she had never ever been able to get her eyes off him – or ever had the slightest intention to do so.

She was told the particular “trick” to obtain her dream wishes by the elderly of Prague she met along the historic houses façade when she lost sight of him. “You should not be greedy. You should not be selfish. Within the six tolls of the ancient clock, you must spell out your heart desire and the god of the river will grand you your truest wish” So here she stood, again and again 4 years in a row, asking for the same miracle – to meet him once again. But this year… she wondered if such encounter was truly what she wanted.

*****

She opened her eyes the moment the last cry of the bell ended. Mystic Old Charles kept his charm. Fate had her game and man, She played it well. While Iva was still busy clearing her blurry vision, the shocking orange head caught her attention almost immediately. Struck with amazement and the surrealism of her situation, Iva stood dumbfound. She cleaned her glasses one more time. That particular frame, that particular body structure, that particular pale-perfect skin… that particular eyes… could it be that she was dreaming? Could it be that her desperate desire performed this whole illusion to play with her pitiful emotion? Could the impossible turn reality just for today?

*****

He was cold. “Cold” cannot dignify the fact that his whole body was trembling, his nose was running and his teeth were “clapping” in joy. He must have lost his mind to ignore the 11 degree difference between 12degre Seoul and 1 degree Prague. He must also have lost his mind to dash out of the door without bags, warm clothes, even tooth brushes or perfume, took the first flight to out of Korean. Out of all places, Prague, the place where he first confessed his love to his Yunnie…

If he could still call out his lover’s name with same adoration, or perhaps, he should go back to spelling out Jung Yunho or U-know Yunho of TVXQ, he did not know.

He was walking across Charles Bridge, with a weak smile. Somewhat he missed Changmin’s frantic scream and Yoochun’s emotional gaze more than the warm embrace of a particular someone – whose name brought him a headache at the moment – he would not hurt his brain just yet to figure it out.

And he saw her: red top, crimson scarf and gloves, on the bridge. She looked like a spark of warm fire in the middle of winter, like a beautiful rose against white snow… He would not notice her if she was not staring at him intensely. Now what? He asked. She could not possibly be another Cassie. No one knew he was here to stalk him. Even their manager had no idea where on earth he was. Even his soul mate was still frantically sending countless messages to his international roaming cell phone. There could be no possibility that any Cassie would intrude his private moment – he prayed. He really need this time ALONE.

JaeJoong turned his phone off.

He decided to talk pass the strange little girl with natural golden hair and beautiful eyes reflecting the color of clear autumn lake. Yet when he almost walked away, she suddenly rached out her hands and capture his wrist. He heard a familiar hum…

“Alone in the end of time, my heart

Don’t be afraid because you were left alone”

“Love in the ice”, just the melody of this particular song sent shiver across his spine. It all came back to him now, the dead cold stare, the warm embraces, the stolen kisses between the break, the light squeeze underneath the tables… he broke down with his knees hit the hard indifferent reality. He cried a river, an ocean… for almost eternity. She was still standing there, her back against his, letting him be, letting him cry as much as he wanted. Not once did she turn back to get a glimpse of his pathetic look. Her tiny hands still enveloped his, sending little bit of warmth over the freezing man. When he finally got hold of his emotion and turned back, he met her beautiful sunshine smile, the sincere one, the concerned one, the wonderful one.

And just like that, 11 years apart, a young man and a-not-too-little girl’s paths met. She did not speak Korean and Japanese, neither did he master the art of Czech language– her mother tongue. With his broken English or shattered English, he found a companion. They did not talk much, but talking was not what he wanted right now. When words failed, when the world around him seemed to collapse upon his shoulders, she – the little Miss Sunshine was there for him like the forgotten gift that gods promised him. A companion, someone who would be there when he needs that person the most, someone who would not deny or suppress the love they share...

So with his last penny, Iva and Jae went shopping in a flee market. In such a rush, JaeJoong was not in the right mind to stuff in sufficient cash for a luxurious encounter. Somehow little Miss Sunshine was not at all upset about it. They got him the cheapest jacket he had ever won since the debut day which still ate too much into the budget of a pair of gloves – which he certainly need. She jumped for Joy at the ridiculous victorious bargain. She wholeheartedly explained to him the stories of her Prague – three quarter of which he could not figure out. He was amazed of such enthusiasm, such zest, such love.

… for a moment… a very long moment… he forgot his heart ache

Because she was there, and they were eating some funny food he could not pronounce the name.

Because she was there, and they were competing in a ridiculous shameless race across to cobblestone streets just to win the last lick of a shared ice-cream.

Because she was there… and that was all what mattered the most, that he was not alone and he was laughing like an idiot …  again

*****

The sun started his first yawn, signaling it was indeed time for rest. She was holding his messed up bag and played with his phone when he left for a toilet break. Accidentally, she flipped open a purple phone… one of the four different means of communication remained in his bag. Countless of message flooded in like water fall plunging down from invisible height. She could not read Korean, but that many years being a Cassie. There was one thing she was sure, one thing she knew…

That 232 messages came from the same owner… and that owner is Yunho

And that even though her heart felt heavy, scattered pieces of the pictures – JaeJoong crying his heart out in the middle of the old Charles, JaeJoong messed up look, sickly thin clothes, wandering eyes, spacing out here and there in those corners of the streets they once took Princes of Prague – formed the final story. Jae ran away.

When he came back, she was standing with the last smile remaining on her lips. Cheerfully and eagerly to see him for the last time. She reached out for his hands and put her tiny red gloves on. She took out his purple phone and dialed his emergency number – to whom he knew better than she did, and put the phone next to his ears – all in perfect silence.

The moment the cold touch embraced his pale skin, he jumped away frightfully and shut the phone closed and screamed in Korean

-          “NO, NO, I can’t be like this forever, I cannot. There won’t be a future for us. I love him but but…”

She sealed his broken monologue with light touches, opening his jacket and several buttons before her no-longer-warm small fingers touched his skin. She traced his tattoo slowly and gently like feather touch… “Always keep the faith”

-        "  There will be a tomorrow, for JaeJoong and Yunho, Jae. Keep the faith, always."

His phone rang again, a call back… from whom she knew better than he did. Without taking her eyes off him, she gave him the phone… He took it, in tears and mumbled "Yes, Yunnie, it's me"

       *****

She did not know how long they talked. All that she cared was the fact he smiled again, here and there, he blushed again, here and there. All that she cared was that she could not be too selfish to keep him for herself… though it hurt a tiny bit too much… Maybe the God of Old Charles knew her heart, her wishes for her 15^th birthday

All she ever wanted was for him to be happy

*****

She saw him off to the airport before jumping on the last bus home. He held her close to his heart, not truly wanting to let go. He whispered gently into her ears before the last call the next flight back home

-         " I would love to fall in love. If I could fall for a girl, I hope she would have even just half of the sunshine spark in your eyes… I would love to be in love with you"

Of course, she could not understand Korean, and of course she could not guess what he was trying to tell her. But of course, it did not really matter, because she believed she got what she wanted. What she wanted all way long. On the plane, JaeJoong held his phone tight, close to his heart, with his hand still enveloped by her tiny crimson gloves. He decided to change the wallpaper, the picture of a fifteen year old girl, with her eternally beautiful smile and sparkling eyes, waving her last goodbye to the man she loved... He saw her grin, but his heart knew at the corner of that autumn lake eyes... there was a quiet spark of tears

tears of joy or sadness - only she knew.

 ******

Without them knowing, ice had started to melt into water, buds had started to break out of their harden shell… awaiting the coming of spring… not too far away... not too far away