A chance of sunshine_Chap4

The future is confusing

But I won't lose to its brilliance, I want to have courage

***

- “ Get a grip of yourself, Yunho…. SAY SOMETHING!!!”

- “ Like WHAT?”

- “ LIKE THE BLOODY SCRIPT”

- “ Ohhhh…. Yeah… the script”

- “ That’s my boy! OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND SAY IT”

- “ Yeah, easier said than done… OK I will start ….sloooowwww”

He swore he could hear this conversation in his brain, as if his restless mind had come to a loss in the battle of control. It seemed to Yunho: every fiber of his being did not feel the need to comprehend this simple message sent from their master, the mind. They were enjoying this – this i.e. the tranquility moment of love? Or simply just the depth of her big brown eyes? He tried again to open his mouth and said the simple words which engraved in his brain for the past six years odds yet in vain, no sound was uttered from his perfect lips. The simple greeting: “Good morning, I am DBSK’s U-Know Yunho. Will you please be my girlfriend for a week?” stuck in the middle of his throat. How come? Maybe because it was his first time confessing so boldly and unstylish-ly to a person of the opposite sex. Or maybe this is not what he wanted to give her as the first impression. “What’s wrong with that insa?” Was it the “girlfriend” issue or actually the “a week” crap that offended him tremendously?

- Hi Yunho, should I assume this is for me?

Hell, heaven emerged and star cascaded down from the universe to join her sparkling eyes and relieved his decaying cells. Too difficult to breath, Yunho nodded his head – like an idiot, he was very sure how idiotic and un-UKnow he must have looked.

- Well thank you then. The flower boutique is wonderfully gorgeous.

Those had been the most beautiful queens of flowers he had seen for such a long time – but he changed his mind now that they were in her embrace. Roses in winter were rare, but such grace and beauty exuded from a “commoner” defined the ridiculous movie title “Girl over flower”. Her cheek turned into a sweet shade of pink. As the emptiness in his hands struck him with cold winter shiver, he returned with lightning speed from lala land

- Welcome to Korea, I am DBSK’s U-Know Yunho. Will you be my …

- This, I can’t take. - She handed over the only, truly blood red rose in the boutique to him with such sureness he had never seen. Certainly, it shocked him to the core.

- Why? Are you allergic to red rose? – He asked with pure innocence. In the most wicked way somewhere in the invisible surrounding, he could hear the mocking signature laugh of Changmin. However apart from this seemingly “ridiculous” explanation he could not come up with any sound reason why a girl would return a blood red rose from the mighty leader of the “gods rising from the east”

- No, of course not – Her audible laughter was truly addictive – Look! I am not playing hard to get. I love it but I can’t take it no matter how greedy I am. Save it for the girl you love… whom for sure, is not me…yet.– She smiled at him, an almost bitter-as-the-matter-of-fact one, hugging the valley of pure white till baby pink ones closer to herself - but the rest I will treasure till eternity. – She gazed upon his eyes - You were saying?

- Oh… Will you be my girlfriend for a week? – His face flushed crimson red, even redder than the absolutely awkward rose in his hand.

- Let me guess, this is Mnet scandal. I would be very offended by this statement. I don’t play with my emotion or yours or anyone else’s. – She gave a pretentious frown which immediately crushed his heart and her long pause made him nervous like a rookie first time preparing to go on stage –Since the show must go on – She leaned a bit closer and whisper to his ears – How about a companion instead? With one condition you must abide.

- What condition? – He raised his eye brown, in confusion and disbelief.

- I don’t want to date DBSK’s U-Know… But Jung Yunho, I would love to spend every second with him, a week is truly generous, if it is ok with you?

Thanks to the artificial “cut” in the whole process of editing, on television, Cassies would never get a chance to see how DBSK’s leader U-Know Yunho was outright rejected. They would never ever seen how the mighty “god” stood dumbfound gazing at a girl in green dress turning away from him and how his face brightened up when she turned back to with a smile – a sign asking him to follow her. They would never, of course comprehend and sympathy with Yunho’s confusion – or heard his heartbeats… Yes, beat it does, faster , more restlessly and eagerly than ever before…

as if pit dark suffering winter night was given a chance of sunshine.

***

Seoul – late at night

When Yunho came back to the DBSK’s home, four pairs of curious eyes were waiting for him in the living room. Predator to prey, he swore he felt walking into the audition room all over again. JaeJoong immediately approached Yunho with utter care and concern. His soft hands touched Yunho’s perfect jaw lightly, moving it a little bit up and side way while his eyes carefully examine the exposed brown skin which was turning crimson red every passing second. As if it was not shocking enough, with swift movement, he took off his Cassies’ fantasized husband’s scarf to have a close-up at Yunho’s bare skin. Shocked and dazed at JaeJoong’s inexplicable action, Yunho – once again stood dumbfound while JaeJoong turned his back around and gave the rest of the members a thumb up:

- No injury, brothers as far as I am concern. No scratch, no dug finger nails’ mark anywhere visible. And no cheap lipstick mark on his white scarf – so the laundry cost this month is saved. Oh,- JaeJoong lightly brushed his finger across Yunho’s lips - no teeth mark or weird bruise on his lips also. So did she just faint like that at your presence?

- Huyng, did she grope you? Butt wise? – Junsu nervously his point, dearest pitiful Junsu, whose butt was the perfect sitting duck for every fan girls’ fantasy.

- Speaking out of the expert mouth, Junsu has his point, huyng. Were you violated? – Yuchun spoke up casually.

- Or did she simply have some dignity and manner? – Changmin asked blatantly.

Yunho was speechless. They must have spent the whole freaking night discussing this, in details. He felt as if he was stripped naked in front of them. Literally or figuratively this was not the first time, yet still, he could feel his ears on fire. “Should I tell them the truth?” he wondered “The fact that she did not once reach out for his hands, that she did not once make a move onto him or even showed any interest in skin ship with him. Would that be embarrassing?”

- And what with the rose, huyng? Was she on her knees giving it to you? – Junsu lifted the rose out of Yunho’s hand.

Almost immediately, Yunho snatched the rose back as if it was his utmost precious treasure. He fumbled to take off his jacket – lips sealed. “ok, not wise, telling them I was rejected three times in a row, stood dumbfound and lost at words would be a disaster to my reputation”

- Yunho, are you OK?

When Yunho finally came back to sense, JaeJoong’s face was less than an inch apart from his – which sent shiver across his spine.

- Jae, WHAT THE HELL? – Yunho snapped and backed off.

- Wow huyng, you still remember how to speak – Changmin, with pure sarcasm. He then turned and smiled sweetly at JaeJoong – Huyngnim, shall we celebrate? I smell food from your kitchen

JaeJoong rolled his eyes. Once every day, Changmin would honor Jae with the title “huyngnim”. That would certainly be before dinner, or when he was hungry at midnight or some rare occasion in front of the camera – but it was getting rare, since he worshipped Xiah-ism, whatever that craps was. Yet still, he fell for that, perfectly, every time Changmin’s handsome face smiled sweetly. Jaejoong distanced himself away from Yunho and walked toward the kitchen.

- No, I am fine. Fine, fine as in, nothing happened. She did not hit on me, aggressively or…

- So she fainted? Gee, that would be troublesome! – Yunchun showed his earnest concern.

- No no, she was fine, I am fine…We had a… - There Yunho was stuck, which word would be most apt to describe his first “date” with her? It was not even a date. It was nothing romantic, or well-prepared. It was simply him and her dragging her luggage to the taxi, to the 5^th floor of her dorm – without lift, talking casually and whole heartedly about travelling, Italy and Korea… It was certainly nothing romantic, but indeed… it was real. Too real to be true. She made him “camera unconscious”, de-conditioned his very first lesson he was taught at SM.

- A… what, huyng? – Junsu’s innocent gaze never failed to amaze Yunho of his purity.

- A very ordinary encounter. Very real.

The apartment froze. “An ordinary date” was too much they had never dared asked for – being who they were. Perfect silence enveloped the room, then gently and quietly they gathered together. As the night fell upon Seoul night, as the well-cooked spicy JaeJoong’s signature taste ramen filled the air with its wonderful scent, five young guys sat around the table, curious and almost solemn discussing their brother’s situation. This kind of late night talk, this kind of brotherhood, this kind of tiny gossip and light humor were what made them family. Yunho felt his heart warmed with JaeJoong tight grips on his hands, with Junsu’s Eu Kang Kang laughter at his own silliness, with Yunchun’s sensitive analysis to the situation, and with Changmin’s serious comment. They broke off the conversation at almost 2a.m., worrying the makeup unnie would scold Yunho tomorrow for his black eye bags.

Lying on his back, Yunho gazed at the ceiling, counting JaeJoong’s rhythmic breath – being around her was almost like this, like being in his room, counting JaeJoong’s breath or listening to Junsu and Changmin sleep-ish senseless conversation – when, of course Changmin was perfectly unconscious… It was peaceful and real, as if he was not just himself and she was just herself, as if there had not been a single camera spying around them at all. He thought of her smile, never matched too well with her eyes, which were clouded by some invisible hurt, and her words, which were still a myth for him to figure out. But before he could find the key to all that she said, all that she smiled, he had already felt a sleep, a deep one, dreamless one, a truly tranquil one.

The red rose was placed carefully on Yunho's table. Red like blood, red like his flushed cheek, red like the bleeding heart oozing out pain of unrequited love... Its fragrance lingered in the room, it shade haunted Yunho's mind, maybe for today, maybe for eternity.

***

While somewhere on the other side of Seoul, May was unpacking her luggage. Today…wasn’t it too surreal? She did not know where she found all that strength to talk so casually in front of him. She beamed at her silliness. She swore her knees felt too weak just gazing into his almond shape eyes. “Did he get what I mean?” She wondered “Positively… No. I should not ask for too much, shouldn’t I? He cannot be Yuchun’s sensitive, with JaeJoong’s emotional and still be himself.” She did now have that much time and she knew it. Yet still… she was begging life for a miracle. Not for her, but for someone she loved dearly…

May then hesitated to open the last box. Happiness and pain, all four years of metamorphosis was buried inside this square-ish box. A picture frame slide off and hit the bare ground with a bang, immediately pulled the heartstrings of the young girl. A handsome youthful smile looked back at her with all tenderness and love. She quickly picked it up and held it close to her heart, rocking back and forth, chanting in disrupted uncontrollable sob “I am sorry… I am sorry I was not there. I am sorry I was not there for you… Forgive me”

I can't say "goodbye" to yesterday yet

This smoldering moment is just lifeless...