[One shot] Finding Nemo - Happy birthday Nemo

Finding Nemo

Music – Blast!

Lighting – Spotted!

Curtain – UP!

And the lone dancer on stage finally turned around, facing the ghostly empty stadium. His body absorbed the currents of music waves… And he started moving. Lonely dancer, lonely stage, lonely moonlight – though artificial, lonely moonwalk – THIS IS IT! - Story of a man, whose life under a bleach mask was casted under a tragic curse of star-dom. THIS IS IT! – Story of a dancer pushed to the verge of insanity, achieving his dream loosing what meant most to him…

THIS’S NOT IT!

Yunho collapsed on the floor. It had been section after section, rehearsal after rehearsal, hour after hour – almost eternity to him. BUT. HE. DID. NOT. GET. IT. Even when people with their mouths wide open applauded him wholeheartedly, the director and choreographer with their faces brightened with elevation jumped in union for joy, Yunho knew: THIS IS NOT IT! He had not been able to capture the soul of Michael Jackson – the legendary King of Pop.

He was then alone again in the dance studio, watching his recorded rehearsal this afternoon in silence. Turn and turn and walk it off. Slide and slide and jump again. These were the steps he knew by heart, these were the steps that got the obedient class representative to the dance floor. These were also the steps that haunted him days and nights, since the King died, since he was casted in the legendary “This is it!” concert. He collapsed in sweat and bruise but above all, in shame. He felt never before as defeated, as exhausted… as lonely.

He flipped his laptop cover up, and entered their chat room. He raised his eyebrows a little too high, with the sight of Changmin, Yuchun and Junsu all online. What the hell were they doing here at this hour? Isn’t it midnight in Seoul now? Didn’t Jaejoong promise to make sure “house rule” remained intact even when Yunho is gone? 5 sparkling online status, like 5 shining Cassiopeia in the dark night, he traced his hands along the keyboard… TVXQ, how dearly he missed them. How he missed spot checking their rooms to find them pretending asleep. There was always tomorrow with much more schedule to follow and practice. They need enough sleep, and it was his job, to make sure, it happened.

He could have just jumped on them and started straightening things out. But he decided to cut them some slack – in case Changmin was watching that particular type of clips and was close to cough*climax*cough. More or less, what he wanted now, who he wanted to break the house rules now was apparently the only soul who abided his command.

JJ:       Yunho, you have your dinner yet?

Yunho turned the main track of the performance a lot lower just to hear his stomach protest all-so-vigorously. Invisible Jae knew best, worried most and cared too much. Yunho could pretend to complain now and tell Jae to get his beauty sleep but, he could not. He wanted someone to talk to so desperately

YH:     Alrd, Jae. U not asleep yet?

JJ:       Liar, I can hear your grumping tummy all over here in Japan. X(

YH:     Jap? SM deported you?

JJ:       Yeah and NO. ^^ New story. A pleasant one, no worries ~^^~.

…

JJ:        I watched your rehearsal performance. It was great

No, amazing ;________;

I heard from the staff, ^^;;;; you are not taking care of yourself properly

T______________________T

Practice too much? :(( Not having dinner ;_____;

What’s wrong? Not satisfied?

…

JJ:       Or you just miss JJ’s food? ^o^

            HELLO? Where r u?

YH:     Typing! U know I cant type as fast as you.

            I cannot catch the soul of MJ.

            It’s frustrating

            …

JJ:       You know why MJ is loved so much?

YH:     I do… by all means, I admire him great deal…

JJ:       but, Yunnie, it’s just how you see him and admire him

            It can be correct, but it does not necessarily apply to all MJ lovers

Isn’t he so loved ‘cuz he appealed to so many in totally different ways?

YH:     Becoming him?

JJ:       yeah! Becoming him as the artist thousand love

            Do him justice, Yunnie

            ~^o^~ I know u can

Who is Michael Jackson? How is he loved by others, apart from Yunho himself? These tiny bits of hints dropped by JaeJoong from the middle of the sky reminded Yunho dearly of how Jae cooked: little bit of ingredients of all colors: a red little slide of raw meat, a crimson little spark of dried chilly, a spring green little hint of vegetables, a yellow tiny sensation of egg yolk…

THIS IS IT!

He finally got it. THIS IS IT! Dive, Yunho, dive! Into the ocean of human’s heart longing for MJ. Be not the individual interpretation of the King of Pop, but be HIM as who he really was, in the eyes of thousand.

… but first, he need to take care of his hunger, thinking of Jae food made him totally salivate, like Typhoon in summer…

*****

Easier said than done T__________T It had been a few more days but things were getting nowhere. Talking to famous artists, co-workers, staff… the issue now was not about interpreting M.J. but more or less Yunho doubted his own ability. The more fan letters he read, fan accounts he examined, fan tribute he watched, the more frightened he became. There was too much love, too much admiration, too much tabloid and … pain. The shadow of the king casted down… collapsed onto his utmost admirer’s sound sleep twisted it crooked, smash sweet smile till wicked nightmare.

Almost 3a.m. and Yunho could not sleep. The role was too big, the honor seemed almost out of his reach. He went online, searching for comfort in the place he knew best: the heart-quarter of Cassie under a masked nickname.

“Why do I find Yunho EVERY f**king where now? My hatred towards him is rising every passing MINUTES GRRRRRRRRR”

“What’s with him? Bloody leader thinks he’s such a big shot now to go on interview alone?”

“Yunho, just go L.A. and DON’T COME BACK!!!”

A sharp pain hit him hard. No wonder why Changmin told him not to go online. No wonder why Yuchun touched his heart and signal to Yunho every time their eyes meet behind the back stage: “I know your heart. Don’t worry”. No wonder why Junsu narrowed his eyes in absolute discomfort despite his victory on Xiah-zart recently; shut his laptop closed immediately at the sight of Yunho.

Comfort he could not get, what stunned him was the hurtful comments. God knew His son’s heart. Yunho prayed. Fame at the cost of his brotherhood? Was this how fans looked at him now? He collapsed in front of the screen.

Lonely room. Lonely laptop. Lonely tears.

As much as God knew His son, God loved his son with his whole heart. Yunho accidentally clicked at a particular board and a particular box shot open.

Chipping sounds of fearful argument popped out. Split Cassie fighting over his issue, he felt the need to defend himself, even under this mask. He felt the need to explain, to say it all say it clear. He was engrossed in the conversations, hurtful conversation but necessary…

A private message popped at his surprised

Nemo MJ:      Don’t mind them, KMJ

                        They don’t mean it when they say it

                        No Cassie hate Yunho

YH (KMJ):     so just IT???

                        Just let it slide like that?

                        Call yourself a Yunho fan

                        Don’t you see how cruel those comments are?

Nemo MJ:      I don’t hold grudge against them

                        I never complain when other DB-boys have their individual time to shine

                        Because YH never hold grudge against Cassie

Even when they tried to kill him

:) because I am a YH’s girl

That’s why I don’t

And so, shouldn’t you.

She signed off… Just like that, in the matter of seconds. She said what she needed and she ended when she thought she should. Yunho was left stunned. He returned to CR, the fight had cooled down. He had cooled down, and that mature Nemo MJ nick, whoever she was, who reminded him of what it’s like to be YH in the eyes of Cassiopeia went back to her usual composed self.

He smiled.

*****

KMJ:              What’s with the MJ behind your nick?

Nemo MJ:      huh? Why curious?

KMJ:              You know, everyone in this CR nick got something to do with DBSK

                        Even DBSK’s dog

                        It’s a DBSK CR, I know

                        All apart from 3 of you: Nemo MJ, Lawrence, Linhieee

                        What’s with the MJ?

Nemo MJ:      Michael Jackson.

KMJ               Why u like him?

Nemo MJ:      He’s one of the only 2 artists in the entire world whom I admire

‘Cuz he’s the perfect artist for me, and was amazing human

KMJ:              Amazing human? Doesn’t he have too much rumor?

Nemo MJ:      It’s all tabloids.

                        Y should I believe sick rumors more than great things I see with my own eyes?

What she said seemed like a blow to him. A point of epiphany… He, no matter what had doubted MJ a moment or two. Media play, those crisis and law suit could have been true – at the same time, they all could have been another product of sick imagination. Wasn’t Yunho supposed to understand this well? Wasn’t Yunho supposed to see through MJ pitiful case – the victim of media instead of judging him without first-hand experience?

Unconsciously Yunho formed a new habit, coming to CR every time he could after practice – distancing himself from the crowd. It had been his pleasure to talk to her – whoever she was, to see perspectives in her eyes. At the age of his own sister yet Nemo exhibited thoughtfulness and maturity – a much kinder way than that of Changmin. They found each other in the same wave length– apart for the similar love for DBSk (-.-“) and MJ. As the older child of the family, they shared thoughts about family. He knew there had been long lonely walks she took – to re-compose her chaotic thoughts, to suppress her anger, to cry out all those frustration before returning home with expressed viewpoints they would not regret. To be able not to snap, not to yell, not to scream at her sister who screw up her tidy room; to be able to scarify a weekend cleaning up with her mother, while not making a big fuss out of it - it wasn’t about age or inborn personality but maturity which came along with experience, love and respect.

She made him wanting to go home.

****

Nemo MJ:      You can think I am strange

                        But fans wanted too much from an artist.

                        They want a perfect performer – who never get sick i.e. never lip sync

                        They want person to be saint: to fulfill every ideal boyfriend/ brother

                        What-so-ever that they don’t have

KMJ:              What you mean?

Nemo MJ:      Like they want Yunho to be the perfect guy

perfect singers, dancer, actor

perfect brothers to DBSK

                        Perfect in everything he does

KMJ:              So you mean, it’s ok if he is not?

Nemo MJ:      Yeah, he could be just himself and it’s fine by me

                        Isn’t it tired to be loved for being not who you are?

That day, Yunho stopped reply “Sure, come, I will marry you” to Cassie’s strangest – most unreasonable UFO demand “Yunho, marry ME!!!!” For crying out loud, he had no idea who the hell she was. To be very honest, he was sure, even if he knew her, he would say NO.

*****

Nemo MJ:      Yunho’s winter fashion sucks

KMJ:              I thought you like him the most in DBSK???

Nemo MJ:      I never say I will like him blindly -.-”

                        I’ll say it sucks when it actually sucks

KMJ:              …

                        Is it that bad???

Nemo MJ:       Yeah… THAT bad

                        You know what

                        Cap and suit do NOT go together.

                        Neither do Yunho and that weird Potter glass.

The next day, Nemo MJ shared with her new found chat-mate an OMFG YH-so-HOT stalker picture with typical fan-girl scream. Yunho in style, with his hair brushed back, bad boy jacket and jeans. And her God-knows-who friend replied with an absolute-fan-boy hi5. Nemo MJ never knew something cool… something fun… something beyond her belief.

SHE was the reason for that change

The exactly same day, JJ received a message from YH: “Your orange hair really pissed me off. It hurt my eyes” which, he then replied “I thought you don’t give a damn”. Yunho texted back: “I am your friend, how can I not? The world will tell you –JJ looks great- out of politeness and blind worship, but it takes a true friend to tell you off and help you figure out what’s best for you. You look ridiculous and I like you most in brown”

And Yunho thought, he really found a true friend now.

*****

Cheer him up, she did. Accompanied him in time of need, she did. Help him see MJ with much less discriminated eyes, she did. But there was one particular thing which seemed beyond her reach. Yunho could not find back his absolute confidence on stage, performing MJ. He exuded the perfect “I-know-I’m-the-best-in-the-world” aura, yet insecurity was creeping up to his spine, tortured him every moment on stage… “It’s not good enough” ghostly, the empty stadium whispered to his ears.

He took a day off.

And he came to the only place he found comfort – while JJ was nowhere to be found in Japan.

KMJ:              So, who’s the other artist?

Nemo MJ;      Other artist, who???

KMJ:              The other artist you admire

                        You never tell me about him

Nemo MJ:      Isn’t that obvious -.-“

KMJ:              -clueless-

Nemo MJ:      DBSK’s U-Know Yunho

If he could, he would jump out the balcony and scream… If he could, he would scream at the middle of the night. And of course, if he could, he would call JJ and explode “ME ME ME, she places me on the same rank with MJ” Instead he stuffed his pillow into his mouth and blush all he wanted, rejoice. But his heart felt almost immediately at the thought of him lacking too much, too often when the opening concert was coming too soon.

KMJ:              Don’t you think there was a huge gap between your 2 top artists?

                        Like YH is so lacking

                        He got the worst vocal

                        Not even the best dancer in Korea now

                        And he’s failing Cassie as a leader also

Nemo MJ:      You think so about Yunho?               

                        To be fair, I know he’s lacking.

                        But the way he always kept the faith in what he has done matters to me

                        Matters to me more than anything else in the world…

                        With that sincerity and faith, he will be able to reach the top

KMJ:              You believe that much in him

Nemo MJ:      Yes, I do.

                        I got this faith thanks to DBSK and particularly to Yunho

                        I wanna be stronger now.

I don't wanna complain all the time as I was doing before

KMJ:              Aren’t you afraid he may fail you?

Nemo MJ:      Thought about it before.

But I think that before loving yunho I kinda told to myself

"hey hey don't love him too much, you'll just get devastated someday.."

But you can’t survive this life, without a bit a faith, can you?

KMJ:              Nemo… you know what

                        I won’t fail you

                        I promise

For once he forgot his mask… For once he wished he could tell her he was actually Yunho under the cover KMJ - Korean Michael Jackson - without making her laugh. If only she could take those words he promised and kept it in her heart like a little treasure. little sunshine for all those future rainy days, you know, for all those lonely walks she would take, for all those time rich kids at school pissed her off - she would endure... He just wanted to sing it to her gently and sincerely:

You are not alone

*****

Yunho once lost faith in himself, now Nemo brought it all back to him. Because she believed in him. Never before had Yunho found this zest of self-belief and confidence onstage. Never before had he turned and twisted, moon walked and hip-thrust with such perfection and sureness.

THIS IS IT!

This is the soul of Michael Jackson, the cursed child, the suffering performer who lived a decaying life off stage, who only came alive on stage…

Music – Blast!

Lighting – Spotted!

Curtain – UP!

Lonely dancer, lonely stage, lonely moonlight – though artificial, lonely moonwalk – THIS IS IT! - Story of a man, whose life under a bleach mask was casted under a tragic curse of star-dom. THIS IS IT! – Story of a dancer pushed to the verge of insanity, achieving his dream loosing what meant most to him…

***** 

Korea was having a fever. Fans turned fanatic, obsessed with the unbelievable performance. Yunho in a broken bleach white mask, crooked smile, staring deadly at the jungle of camera was on the first page of every newspaper. For the moment his costume was on, Yunho welcome the soul of Michael Jackson, the life of the walking death, the King who was detested, the exhaustion, the despair of the dying soul. He smashed  all possible doubts with his daunting performance. 

However, while he was on the top of the world., like a fish, she dived into the ocean of unknown nicks that spark on/offline... and disappeared. They did not keep in touch. For once Yunho was back in Korea, he was flooded in interview request and reality show. For him... whenever someone asked: "What's the reason for your success, Yunho?" He would just say... "I was able to find my Nemo" with a hidden smile. He could barely have time to breath - not to mention going back to his comfortable CR and find her. Yet, again... thinking those lonely and depressing days when she was the his only light in the dark tunnel, when she reminded him who he truly was, he could not help but smile. Wherever she was now, there was one thing he was sure, very sure indeed. Because now her Yunho had found that amazing strength to be his better self, she would in turn, keep that tiny little faith... But more importantly, because she was Nemo, she was just herself with every possible definition of it, he knew, she would survive the ocean out there - against all odds - sharks and whales.

*****

a simple fish can do a miracle

nah, not JUST any simple fish

it was NEMO
tha's why miracle happened
simply because it was NEMO

p/s: Happy birthday, Nemo, create miracle! I know you can do it. I believe in you

keep the faith... always