A chance of sunshine_Chap5

Chap5: I can't put into words

I'm really glad I met you

It makes me so, so happy I can't put it into words

La la la...I can't put it into words

Yunho woke up early this morning almost twenty five minutes earlier than his alarm clock – for some really odd reasons; he did not feel upset about it at all. He pulled himself quickly out of the seemingly-irresistible warmth of the fluffy blanket –amazed at his own speed and eagerness, took a quick bath – in which he shortened the dance moves from 5 routines to 3 and a spin, light restrained movement while putting on his clothes. In no time, Yunho found himself outside the dorm, tapping his fingers, slightly impatient waiting for the van’s appearance. It was merely 5.30 a.m. The sun graced him with a tiny little radiant of sunshine – like a tiny peek, a raising eye brown: “What the hell are you doing at this hour?” He smiled like a boy, an ordinary boy, refusing to confront several conscious questions to his sanity, nervous yet eager, before took off on his own. For once, at this time in the morning, he knew where he was going and could not wait till he got there.

*****

The dream I had then has disappeared, never to come true

It's no one's fault

I was just too small a person

It's so galling I can't put it into words

Changmin was woken up by Yunho’s noise at 5 plus today – which Changmin wrote down in his diary as something must be remembered for future revenge. He tried to get back to sleep since, damn it, he still had a magazine photo shoot after lunch. Yet in vain, he lifted his head up and reached out for Yuchun’s book – which he never remembered or wanted to remember to return. After a few chapters, he decided to call it an unsuccessful attempt. Changmin tiptoed out of his room, after checking on Junsu’s temperature. It was still a bit high but not in danger. Call him magnae – all that he cared, at the end of the day he was still doing what “huyng” should do. His stomach made a soft grunt – “Isn’t it too early for breakfast?” He was hungry so followed his instinct, he entered Yunho and JaeJoong’s shared bed room with the tiny hope that JaeJoong was in the same situation with him. Unfortunately, Jae was sleeping like a log, facing the wall. Famine he was, still Changmin did not have the heart to wake JaeJoong up. He glanced across the room. “She was not too wrong, some men’s etiquette education stopped at mastering the art of peeing in the toilet bowl. Yunho would NEVER learn to close his water bottle caps, or fold his blanket.” He smirked but gradually his lips formed a full smile softly at the mere thought of her before, almost immediately he felt a sharp pain tearing his heart apart. His poor heart stopped for almost a full minute at the sight of Yunho’s abandoned red rose on the table. Red like the long lost past, red like her puffy eyes filled with tears the day he committed the unforgivable crime, red like the Cassiopeia Ocean – so vast yet never once could he find the same adoring eyes gazing right straight back, deep into his. He brushed his hair back, trying to suppress the image of her bleeding lips from welling up again in his vivid memory. He reached out to touch the rose, accidently hurt by its sharp – sharp thorn. Reality hit, dark and brutal. Such beauty yet was armed with sharp merciless thorn – the opposite of her… the very opposite of her.

The red rose’s fragrance unconsciously carried Changmin back in the summer days of his youth… in the long gone forsaken first love of his life… He felt like drowning. He closed his eyes, and somewhere deep down in the seemingly callous bluntly brutal mangnae’s heart, a heavy tear welled up… not willing to fall too easily.

*****

My heart's so sad I can't put it into words

La la la...I can't put it into words

I tell sad lies

And swallow my excuses

By the time JaeJoong woke up, Yunho’s bed had already been empty. Linger in the room, the gently smell of DBSK’s leader’s perfume put a soft smile on JaeJoong’s gorgeous face. “Good choice, Yunho! Perfect for an autumn-like winter morning” he mumbled, still refused to get out of his bed, though somewhere on the other side of the door, he could hear Changmin’s footstep. Changmin was up which simply meant breakfast was expected in no time. Living with Yunho for the past 6 years, there were things he knew, like unwritten scripts – things that gave a little too much hints about his “Yunnie’s” emotion. Bottles left open without caps, messy blanket left unfolded, spare flip phone left unclosed… Yunho must be a rush on his way out this morning, i.e. he was possibly too eager, he forgot his death sentence if Changmin saw all this mess. JaeJoong memorized a little bit of his friends’ habit, he was modest. The truth was Jaejoong learned them all by heart. He did notice too much, thought too much and cared a little just too much about someone who was never into details like Yunho. People called him was silly, emotional and over sensitive – they said so, because they never knew what it was like, to be desperate, longing for bits and pieces, traces of the-already-faded past – something they always took for granted… It was his story, filled with loss and regret. Now that he cared, now that he learned to notice and decode every single seemingly insignificant detail, wasn’t it just a little too late to redeem himself? He reached out for his hand phone, within seconds, a message read, was sent to a familiar number, Korean code, oversea – God-knows-where roaming

“Valery, when will you stop running away from me :o ?”

****

-          Yunho… Huyng just woke up, are you up yet?

-          Huyngnim, I am at “Morning Seoul” already. Just pick me up there.

-          You… WHAT? WHERE? GOSH, YOU WANT ME TO GET FIRED?

There Yunho stood in a queue in front of Seoul’s famous breakfast take away shop – with his phone 10 cm away from his ears, yet he could still hear his manager’s desperate complain perfectly clear. Yes, he knew he was not supposed to walk on his own – during “business” days. Yes, he knew he must must report to his manger – rule number 1, where he went, who he went with, the purpose and possible reasons. But what’s the fuss? He just wanted to grab some breakfasts for the two of them before knocking on her door. He decided to make it three, in case the manager decided to file a report back to SM. Yunho started his favorite game almost immediately after his flip phone shut closed – betting how long it would take for his manager to appear, with the tooth brush in his mouth, screaming on the very top of his lung. Yunho thought of himself as a hypocrite: he always frowned whenever Changmin and Junsu fought for their countdown clock at this bet, but he never failed to make a mental guess. This traffic, this time of the day, this situation, he would give it a 12 minutes.

However, the smell of morning coffee, fresh baked bread washed way every wonders. He sank into the sight of Seoul morning, into Seoul’s breath, and Seoul’s soul.

*****

A love that was supposedly eternal came to an end

As if reaching the end of its life

"No, it can't be," my heart shouts

-          BREAK OUT! BREAK OUT!

May woke up at the outburst of her alarm clock’s rage. She was still in her green dress, sitting on a mess of her tears and belongings. 5.30 it was and she knew she was late – again - for her morning jog. On her finger tips, clear trace of dried blood lingered, the broken photo frame stared back at her with a distorted smile. The empty room, plain white wall – almost hospital-ish sent shiver across her spine. She stood up immediately - too harsh a move! May’s head hurt and her injured knees cried for tenderness. She rampaged around her apartment, cleaning up broken glass on the floor, putting things together and rushed for a bath. She needed furniture and curtains, and a thousand and one more things – which slowly added up to the list inside her head. What a start for a new day!

However, when Yunho appeared at the front door, with freshly baked bread and hot coffee in his hand and a sincere smile on his face, she knew, it was not too bad and things would be alright. He looked almost disbelief, she wondered why. Was it her plain face without any make up? Was it her white dress with a light baby pink scarf around her shoulder? Or was it her damp which hair plunged down like the eternity’s waterfall? Maybe, it was simply the fact that she appeared almost too casual, almost too careless, and almost too ignorant at the presence of –yes, here come the list of his entourage- 7 cameras, PD and script writer along with the grumpy manager. Maybe it was simply the fact that she made it too real – as if she could not see them at all

As if, it was an ordinary date, and she just happened to wake up just 10 minute later than expected. That’s all!

*****

They stood next to the window of May’s tiny share of privacy sipping coffee, with May leaning her back against the wooden frame. The crew had already been fighting at the background – what to do today: theme park cliché? Seoul’s famous hotspot – since May was a foreigner after all? Or shopping mall? Besides that fight, there was another conflict regarding the contract. Yunho manger shove DBSK’s leader’s 5 km long schedule into the PD’s face while he in turn, dashed back Yunho’s contract with Mnet – full week filming any time, any place.

May occasionally glanced at the crew, with questioning eyes.

-          They were discussing what we should do today – Yunho translated in perfect Japanese

-          Is it so? Why them? Isn’t it our share of responsibility? – May laughed nonchalantly.

-          It should be, but I have a tight schedule today… I am afraid I cannot commit to the full day agreement – Yunho explained apologetically as if he failed to fulfill a promise, as if he was letting her down…

-          How many hours do I have? With you?

-          I should leave at 4 p.m. for a photo shooting with Changmin. So roughly…

-          9 hours it is. Let’s go then, we don’t have time to waste. And I have a lot in mind

-          Where are we going?

-          IKEA! I have a list of…

-          IKEA… for our first date?

-          Yeah, why? Don’t you see there is a huge whole on my floor? I need replacement – to cover, you know. And wallpaper also, I am scared of white wall – it looks like hospital and…

-          But May, you can do it any day with any friend? We only have a week…

-          Yes, I know, Yunho. But you will only stay for a week, the wallpaper and the wooden floor will stay with me for six months or more… days and nights. As much as I “fan-girl” you, spare my heart, Yunho, I can’t let my world revolve around you.

And just like that, she cheerfully took his hands in hers, carelessly pulled him away from his idle position, through the fighting madness, across the main door. Somehow his heart hurt at the very words she said… Wasn’t she true? Wasn’t she realistic? Wasn’t she trying to make it easier for both him and her? Truth hurt – that’s the cliché but this much? He was not too sure.

Before the door closed behind his back, he caught a glimpse of a broken photo frame. A dignified young man at the zest of his youth sent him off with a beautiful smile… Yunho suddenly felt a surge on unknow, inexplicable emotion – a question formed in his clouded mind, yet there was not time to ask… there was not time to stop and stare… there was not time to ponder…

*****

9 hours with her seemed like 9 seconds - first date to him, but first outing to her.

-          Genius! Genius! PERFECTION! – was the PD’s scream of happiness, and the seven cameramen’s complain came to an end.

Of course the scene was too real. Of course it was almost like hidden camera because Yunho and May were both too busy to give a damn about cheesy flirt lines. To their perfect ignorance, as if actors, they emerged into the souls of newly-weds, preparing for a life together. They spent the whole morning in … IKEA – and swear to God, Yunho would never look at an IKEA date with the same thoughts.

They had too much fun plunging in all the sofas, sinking in the softness of seventeen types of mattress, fighting over the color of every single bought item. May never lost to Yunho when it came to an arguement over furniture, though she gave in sometime. Of course it was her room in the first place, but her argument made so much sense, Yunho then decided to just follow. She could not help but laugh wholeheartedly at his ignorance. He would choose a beautiful sofa, whose length was almost twice the one of her room, or a grand wooden wardrobe which was higher than her own ceiling. 

May counted the hours, minutes, second, consciously took mental note of things undone. If Yunho could read her mind, he would be traumatized with her list – and May thanked God that Yunho was not Yuchun, or else she would be in very very deep trouble by now. 

-          You have never bought anything for your room? Like a chair?

-          No, haha, I trust my life upon JaeJoong. He has good taste, I am sure, better than me.

-          Bed sheet? Blanket? Towel?

-          JaeJoong took care of the house hold. He knew the softest material… all that details

-          I sincerely think, you should just marry JaeJoong you know.

-          I wish, haha, but he would not take me, not as if I did not try hard before.

Light conversation, full of mischief and senseless jokes May laughed her head off when Yunho showed her JaeJoong’s message, which arrived an hour before noon – assuming it was the moment Jae came to his sense: “Yah, Yunho >.<, stop using my perfume. Cassie – the stalkers will assume that you have sex with me the previous night and smell JUST LIKE ME the next morning”. May never knew Yunho actually depended on JaeJoong that much, and never thought seriously of the bond they shared. Yunho made it too simple: they both needed each other and could not live without one another easily – the harder must be on Yunho’s side but it appeared in the favor of Jae, since Yunho never learned to express himself quite precisely.

Youthful May, youthful Yunho, foolish birds crossing the boundaries of their safety zones into the roller coaster of eternally inexplicable emotion, the Gods smirked cruelly and let go of the divine dice. Why not stir things up a little bit? Why not let Yunho catch a glimpse of May’s reflection over the kitchen room’s display mirror? Why not let his heart dive a little deeper at the sight of what he would live to catch every time he returns from work in 5 years time? Why not wake his sleeping heart up? Why not let Yunho touch a chance of sunshine?

*****

Happiness never last too long. He should have known it, lived it, tasted it before it slipped away, before his heart sank, stopped for a little undesirably too long… at another sight.

Of what? You may ask me. But then again, would not it be great? To have something to long for, something to anticipate… something … someone waiting for you at the end of the road…

I fall in love with someone else again