Words to say

Dearest Linhiee,

I have things to say. A lot of them. I won't probably mention all I want to tell you here in this poor letter but I want to let you know. I want to speak to you. I want it so much that I can't help it and use this "simulated" way of conversation. I can't talk to you in real time, online, so I have to use this way. Sometimes it's maybe even better to write letters... at least for me because whenever I write a letter, I am usually calm. Calm is rather strange for me, when I am online I get kind of hyper. In letters - in this one as well - I can sort out my thoughts and write my feelings down in a less confusing way. When it's online I forget about those feelings, about a lot of things... that's because I have only one point to focus at - you.

We don't meet these days. Our timing simply doesn't match. You wrote to me twice on FB butI received your little messages late. Because of school and because of course I am not on FB every single minute. Since those two messages - there have been no traces of you. You know the way I am - I worry. But then again~ I don't worry more than I do normally. That's because I believe in you. Believe in you. You promised me you will take care of yourself and so I believe. I believe that you wouldn't lie to me and that after all things you went through - you know the value of life. Of your family's, of your friend's, of your own. You quickly mentioned that you went to hospital. It was never explained to me because we didn't meet afterwards... so I should be worried. But my heart won't let me. Holding on my "Cheer You Up" T-shirt and reading your status in which you say you're happy - I believe in you. Our relationship is not that weak for me to go crazy here. My faith in you~~ I hope I'm not mistaken. But I won't be sad. Because I made promises too.

As for me ~ I have been doing good. The storms seem to be over and there is only blue sky left now. A.k.a... I feel calm. I am calm. People are very kind to me, sometimes I get the feeling that people surrounding me are angels. I make new friends and deepen the bonds with the old ones. Everything is so strangely nice and smooth~ One wouldn't be surprised if they told him that it's just a lie. But nah, it's reality. Beautiful one. I am enjoying it as much as I can because I know it won't last forever. Hardly anything lasts forever after all~~ But I can't say they aren't such things at all either. I know you hate the word forever. But don't give up so quickly on it either. You have to come to the very very end to say something like there is no forever in this world. Forever doesn't have to mean eternity counted in hours~ Forever is something you feel in your heart. Before your last breath you might realize that there was something that was with you this whole time. Something that guarded you, something that loved you or simply stood next to you.

Then then... I am healthy. I have been always a healthy person in global so there is no need to worry about that. In school~~ I am doing good. I won an English competition. ^^ I won by a 10 points difference. ^^ That may not be much and could actually sound like bragging but I don't care how it sounds - I know I worked hard and I am not ashamed a bit to say it out loud. :)

I miss you much much. I miss the honest, pure and beautiful you which I find very cute, I miss your smile, I miss your irritation, I miss our chatting. I miss you and think about you a lot~ But apart from that - I am happy. As I have said already - people are very kind to me and everything is good~ The world is gently colored right now right here~ ♥ And ah, it has been snowing for nearly 3 weeks now~ Snow is beautiful~ But freezing, haha~ It is kind of hard to walk, even harder to use car, you need to wear tons of clothes too...but... none of those can compare to the beauty of the snow. You feel like the heaven's pureness is falling on you~~~~ ♥

Oh, now I remembered! Chances of Sunshine~ Chances of Sunshine~~~~~~~~~
I bet you have no idea how beautiful it is~ I have always loved the way you use language - the noble and slightly melancholic way - and now I can read it in an actual story. You can't even imagine in what bliss I am to be one of the first if not the very first person to read this sotry - such a beautiful story. I smell something tragic from it. And that melancholy makes it so beautiful. Chances of Sunshine - every word is important, every word evocates emotions in you, every word makes a vivid picture in your mind with effect of falling feathers like from a fanmade MV~ Chances of Sunshine is beauty~ Chances od Sunshine is tears, smiles, screams, secrets, heart and pureness. Chances of Sunshine is reality - cruel yet strangely beautiful. Chances of Sunshine is the only story I want to read the next chapter of but won't dare to force the writer - you - to go and write it because somewhere deep in my heart I know it can't be forced. It can't be rushed. Also - the thing that I love~ you give a lot from yourself to it. It isn't just a coincidence that May is from Italy, it isn't just a coincidence that the main character is Yunho. It's you but it isn't you. It's precious. At least to me. Very very precious. Strangers may not know but I am proud of you because I know that it costs a lot of strenght and braveness to put a piece of your own self into it. I really love it. "Just" those two chapters make me want to write poems about it and spread it all over the world. I will support you to the very end. And you should know already that there isn't such thing as end. ♥ Have confidence in yourself and with that confidence - improve even more. I want to encourage you with all my might. ♥ You have worked hard. You're working hard.

...because you're really beautiful and pure~ ♥

My dearest Linhiee,
I don't know where you are, with who you are, what are you doing or what are you feeling~~
But I pray for your happiness and keep the faith.

My dearest Linhiee,
I love you.

Iva